I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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