I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I've blown a few things in my day
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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