please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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