You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
