I cockslap morals
this beer tastes like vomit already
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
