Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
