Fine. I'll sleep in my office
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
