I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
