whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
