none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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