i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
