I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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