I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
