I can tuck mytits in my pants
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
