If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
