i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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