Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
