The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
