haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
