were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
