Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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