I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
