She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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