My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
