I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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