you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
