i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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