Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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