My balls are so social today.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
