i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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