I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
