My first STD was from a foam party
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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