i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
