i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
