I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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