We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When are your genitals available?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
my liver is dry heaving
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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