He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
