your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
