He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
