Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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