I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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