I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
