I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
