He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
