two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
