so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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