he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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