if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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