I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
now i know why i became what i already was.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
