where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They have beer where we have blood.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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