please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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