you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
