You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
