woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm getting married
To pizza
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
