Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
