Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
