Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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