need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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