Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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